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The World’s Worst Gaming Setup

Game setups. Every gamer has one and every gamer is proud of themselves.

You’ll see lots of flashy PCs, multiple monitors larger than televisions, and keyboard-mouse combinations so clicky and indiscriminate that you could mistake them for a beautiful businesswoman walking by.

Of course you will see all kinds of fun, cool and crazy game setups online. Getting your setup just right is definitely the best feeling, I get it! But what about the bad ones?

Sure, you’ll see some really horrific and sometimes very sad game setups online. Really just… questionable stuff. However, there is always something missing.

The problem is that there is ‘something missing’, it is usually something that is not real. By that I mean that somehow it can always be worse.

How, you ask? How could it be worse than a lone plastic chair in the middle of an empty room with stained carpet? With that room with an untidy TV with an Xbox 360 that’s seen cleaner days?

Easy. I decided to come up with a game setup that was so cursed and miserable, that putting them together would really make for the worst gaming experience yet. Please look.

A gaming PC that somehow works despite being just two very rude and sexual goblins in a PC case

gaming pc configuration
Image: Ruby Innes / Kotaku Australia

Somehow this PC can play any game. Literally any game you can think of. However, the price you pay is that Gork and Gunk, the two goblins who live in the PC, are very rude and annoying.

While you are playing on your PC they will scold you. Spit at you through the holes. They smell like sewage and trying to clean them will break the PC.

Gork and Gunk are also in love and are very sexually attracted to each other. This means that while you are playing games they will make very loud, very smelly and very passionate love.

Try to stop them and the PC will shut down half way through your game. The only way games can run at full throttle is if they’re boning. It’s really awful, but you might be able to accept it for a very solid and consistent framerate.

A very large monitor covering the screen with hands for scary games

gaming monirot setup
Image: Ruby Innes / Kotaku Australia / Torque Gamers

In theory, this could be a great idea for gamers who are easily scared.

This monitor has two large hands that cover the screen when a scary part is involved. For example, if you play Scary baby in horror househands will cover the screen when the scary baby appears on the screen.

The problem is, this monitor has a mind of its own, and it does very quickly scared† You might be playing a game that isn’t even scary, but if the monitor is afraid of it, too bad. You cannot see what is happening.

Another problem with this monitor is that the monitor believes it can also play the game and will hit the screen if an enemy is standing on it. This may destroy the monitor.

If you try to move the hands away, they will knock your hands away and rip you off.

You may be tempted to hold the monitor’s hands. If you do this, they will never let you go. This is a problem because you need those hands to play Scary baby in horror house

A constantly wet, piss-covered gamer chair

Folks, I Did It: The World's Worst Gaming Setup
Image: Ruby Innes / Kotaku Australia

The only good thing about this chair is that it is the most comfortable gamer chair on the market. Your back will thank you. You will never know such comfort.

The problem is, there will always be piss on it, right where you should sit. The words ‘PISS BABY’ are at the top of the seat, always visible to anyone who sees you gaming.

Try to brush away the piss? It’s coming back. Not only is this chair pre-pissed on when you buy it, but it will somehow always be to be mad at. The piss always smells like 2 minute chicken noodles.

This seat also goes all the way back, but the farther you lean back, the farther the piss travels. Lie completely flat and you will find yourself drenched in the mysterious magic gamer chair piss.

A light up gamer keyboard with only the ‘S’ key

Folks, I Did It: The World's Worst Gaming Setup
Image: Ruby Innes / Kotaku Australia

Marketed as ‘A keyboard for the gamer who only wants to go backwards’, this keyboard has only one key: S.

We’ve seen gaming wizz kids manage to get a single-key keyboard to work before. Rudeism Complete Dark Souls II with only one key, so it’s definitely possible.

However, you cannot remap this keyboard. You have one choice, and that choice is reversed. If you try to change the controls, it will not work. You can only go backwards.

This keyboard is perfect for those who don’t plan on walking left, right, or even forward, as well as those who like to hiss like a snake.

It also doesn’t make a clicking noise, instead opting for a very real bloodcurdling scream every time you press it.

A mouse that licks your palm while you use it

Folks, I Did It: The World's Worst Gaming Setup
Image: Ruby Innes / Kotaku Australia

This mouse… I don’t like this mouse.

This mouse is very responsive, fast and has assignable keys. However, it will consistently lick your palm as you use it.

Don’t worry, you won’t hurt the mouse by right-clicking or left-clicking. The eyes cannot be poked, but they will always maintain full and uninterrupted eye contact as the mouth licks your palm.

When you try to kiss the mouse, it says, “Sorry, I don’t like you that much.” Despite this awkward rejection, the mouse still licks your palm when you use it.

The tongue is coarse and spiky like a cat’s tongue, and very slimy. You will also get a rash on your palm if you use it for too long.

And worst of all? It’s not even wireless!


So how did I go? What else do you think could be added to this game lineup to make it worse? Give me your most horrible, miserable and useless ideas in the comments.

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